Supersonic Insta-grati-happy-fun-time

Don't measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by what you should have accomplished with your ability.  
-John Wooden

If you are consistently training, facing weaknesses headlong, rising up after getting stapled to the floor from something heavy to try again, and in general trying to out-perform your last 'best' effort, than I would like to extend a notion of thanks your way.

Coffee and Squats is about doing what needs to be done regardless of circumstance in pursuit of making yourself happiest.  No, I did not say strong, or ripped, I said happiest. Whatever you are doing in life will only serve you insofar as it makes you happy.  That is why the secret to happiness is as follows in two points:  1.  Find out what you want in life. 2.  Go get it.  Whatever gets in the way of that can be overcome if the goal sought is clearly something that will yield happiness.

Physical and mental limits often precede the point where people stop pursuing this.  Are you tired?  Drink coffee.  Are you feeling weak physically and mentally?  Put a bar and your back and squat.

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Most often the people that are seeking help are not the ones who need it the most, they have the higher IQ or intuition to know that they need a change and are just going about figuring out how to make it happen.  They just need a little kick in the butt at the right times, a kind word here and there, and someone to make sure they stay on track.

However, every once in awhile someone falls into that group that hasn't done the initial work of realizing the model they use to find happiness is the issue and, that they need to change the idea before asking for help.  These people generally come off as the "do-it-for-me" types who view the money they throw at those providing help is all they need to do to affect change in their lives.

The people in this second group provide unending frustration to a coach who wants nothing more than to give every bit of knowledge they have ever known to help you succeed, while in return the person is not willing to give up the old life for a new one.  That group of people is another blog in itself... however both groups can benefit from the paradigm I am dubbing "Supersonic Insta-grati-happy-fun-time".  

Stop and reflect for a moment, was there a time that you saw some grandiose natural feature (a canyon, or a sunset on an ocean, etc..) and you felt a sense of serenity?  At that instant, if for only an instant, I believe you decided to accept the universe as it was.  You didn't feel it necessary to change the scenery, such as, "What a beautiful waterfall...if only it was a bit larger, then I would be ever-more pleased".  No, that didn't happen because just as it was, you felt it was right.

Now, why don't you have that serene mindset every day?  Why don't you wake up resonating with a feeling of being blessed that you may pursue whatever it is you are pursuing and that each moment an opportunity to get further towards it?  I believe it lays in the fact that the model most of us use to reach happiness is dependent on the "If; Then" model.  If blah blah blah happens, then I'll be happy.  But thats not how it works, is it?

Example of "If; Then":
If I get 10 pull-ups in a row, then I'll be happy with my efforts.  
...Nine pull-ups later you fall off the bar and start deeming yourself an inadequate athlete whom should never have attempted such a feat.

What if you had started viewing it as a process rather than an outcome?

I get to do pull-ups today, I'm going to make these the best pull-ups I have ever done.  I wonder, how many perfect pull-ups am I capable of?
...Nine pull-ups later you think, That was hard but nine perfect ones are more than I had last time!


Anything you can get such as physical strength, material possessions, a circle of friends, etc - you can also lose.  The things you can get can be very nice, and give you a great feeling - for a time - but the feeling accompanied by their loss when you have tied your personal happiness to them is overwhelmingly paralyzing and can lead to a depressed state.

It is vital that you understand that in all of life outcomes are very rarely in our control.  What is in your control is the process by which you live your life.  Doing your best in every situation not only lends itself toward seeing the best outcome, but is also something that won't go away when you look into the mirror.


Remember, you choose to drink the coffee and get under the bar.  It makes you happy.  If it doesn't, then don't.

Coffee & Squats!

Take it black.

Click "PLAY"

Then continue reading:

Apparently my subtle tactics of turing people from a soft bowl of porridge into a metal thrashing Viking swinging a corpse by the throat while you claymore the doors to the gym open hasn't been enough of a stimulant to change your thought pattern.  Allow me to try again.

There seems to be a recurring theme that surrounds those who wish more of themselves on an almost minute-to-minute basis.  These reactionaries resemble children stripped of candy when they miss a goal, a rep, or a first-place finish.  The theme?


Fear.


If you've read this, and this, and this, and are still casually strolling into the gym thinking "Maybe I'll lift heavy today.  I'm not sure.  I'll just ask my coach, he/she can think for me, and if its too hard/heavy/scary/confusing/painful I'll just stop and give a look that says, or actually say, I'm not doing this." Or, "You want ME to do this?  Are you crazy?  You obviously don't know what you're doing."

I've gotten really good at pissing people off.  I almost put it on my resume.  The recipe is pretty simple, take someone who's first expectation is that you will make them more "in shape/toned/better at 5k's/some other bullshit measurement of true fitness" and tell them to work harder than they ever have before.  Put outside the bubble of known most people slip and stumble and trip and claw for anything familiar.  Simultaneously, if they are truly getting their dollar's worth, they stop enjoying the process.  It is an embarrassing experience to be shown that you posses little to no skill in things, but that has little to no meaning that you as a person aren't worthy of trying to get better.  That's where people let fear creep in and, win.  That's the point when a champion's mind is forged or a loser born.  And from a coaching standpoint it's what we watch for fervently.  Those who get fuck-stomped (technical term) and get up and go again with no loss of enthusiasm are the one's, regardless of any other attribute, quality, or talent, who maintain gains and continually overshadow their peers in performance.  Age, sex, and health conditions all mean nothing.

This extends beyond the gym.  For many, the gym is this other place.  Work, school, home, church, gym.  At these places, many take on different roles.  Worker, student, taskmaster, clergyman, ???.  But where do I fit in at the gym?  You fit into the role you have given yourself either by pacifism or through genuine leadership.  If you are the type of person who considers other people and things to be the determining factor as to your current state of affairs, then likely, you will do the same thing at the gym.  Conversely, if you constantly own your life and attribute every consequence (positive or negative) to your own actions, then likely you will do the same in the gym.  The gym is not where you become any of these, it is merely a place where your true nature is exposed.  This is extremely personal for some people.  Showing somebody how terrible they are at controlling their own bodies can leave them feeling very scared and betrayed.  Similar to being bedridden with uncontrollable diarrhea: betrayed.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Pseudo-Q&A Time:

Q:  So, Coach, I'm a cream puff but I want to get tough, where do I start?

A:  Glad you asked, start by choosing to accept every single thing about yourself and where you are at in your training.  Now that you've accepted it, choose to obliterate the fuck out of it through hard work, laser-like focus, and an unending thirst for knowledge on the things that give you the most trouble. An attitude that every single second of every single day is an opportunity to wring the last drops of life out of every breath you take is also helpful.

Q:  That sounds like an intense paradigm.  How am I supposed to get pumped when I got a thousand other things to get done and also, this bar seems really heavy.

A:  Rule #1 when it comes to lifting: Stop being such a fucking pussy.  Start by drinking coffee and listening to consistently heavier and harder music.  Saying something is heavy or hard only affects you.  Assuming you are training in a real facility, one with heavy iron weights, a cage, a platform, knowledgeable and experienced coaches, than your gym-mates are probably not weak or sympathetic to physical hardships. That's one of the best things about being in a real gym, the real athletes who train there 'get it'.  Assuming others around you have the same mindset as you is what turned your body to mush in the first place.  Forge your brain to accept the ultimate truth: Life is hard.  Do this daily.

Q:  Ew, coffee?  Really?  Couldn't I just drink tea or Monster energy?  What about caramel machiatto's?

A:  Rule #1.

Q:  I feel like I'm dying during these workouts.   Sometimes I black out and/or the pain is greater than anything I have ever experienced anywhere in my entire life.  This alarms me and my doctor.  Does it have to be this difficult every day?

A:  Rule #1.  I truly believe the closer you can get to death in training, without going over the line, the more life you are getting out of yourself.  If you work out hard enough, often enough, and smart enough you will reach a place that usually comes at the end of the hardest sets, reps, and rounds.  It will be a place that only your thoughts count.  The body has gone numb, the CNS is fried, and every synapse is screaming "Mercy!".  After that point, the real gains are made.  Those that push through will attest to having seen this level of remuneration for effort.  (Here's proof that it will be euphoric, probably)

Q:  Can I ever just sit back and enjoy a nice book, glass of wine, and relax?

A:  If you are 100% accountable for every action you take and realize how it affects the whole of your progress as an athlete and a human being than you will realize that yes, you can do whatever you want.  Just make sure you own up to it.

Q:  What are some other tips for getting tough?

A:  Wake up early.  Whatever time came into your head just now, move it back 2 hours.  You will accomplish more in a year of waking up at 4:30 AM every day than you would for 5 years of waking up after 9 AM.  Put more manual labor into your life.  Do things that look exhausting and then assess if it was.  If it was, you must get stronger and more conditioned.  Ride your bike to work.  Do it in the rain and snow.  Learn to deal with things by not removing the hard bits, but by changing your attitude towards them.  Learn to say "No".  Posturing at weekend socials, eating shitty food (on account of not hurting the chef's feelings), talking the talk about what it is you plan on doing: none of these are getting you closer to the part of life you so desperately seek to attain.  Pay it forward at every chance you get.  Someone may be looking to prove themselves, give them an opportunity.  Watching others with less experience than you try as hard as they can will offer you a renewed sense of spirit and drive.  Use it.

For the roar of the crowd...

“If you don’t invest very much, then defeat doesn’t hurt very much and winning isn’t very exciting.” 

-Dick Vermeil.

What can we say of competition?  Of Challenge?  Of risk?  I would argue that in and of itself it is the axis point of a life well lived, and one that is squandered.  Curiosity of who the best is, and is it me?  Of course, finding out that we are not the best does not end our lives, unless we are Gladiators, rather, it is a way to quench an un-ending desire to fulfill our purpose, whatever that may be, and to whichever end.  

I had the privilege of being close enough proximally to CrossFit Football's first ever Occupy Strength tour this past month.  With an appetizer of BCAA's and the total destruction of one Renaissance Inn toilet, the main course was an event to find an athletes highest poundage in the Power Clean, Back Squat, Bench Press, and Deadlift.  One must attempt 3 single efforts at each, in the specified order, and then add up all #'s to get their CFFB Total.  Afterwards, a cruel metabolic burner would be the dessert to cook the big boys who'd rather nap with an IV of meat slurry than do sprint repeats after a heavy squat session.

 I decided to sign-up and see how my little peon numbers would stack up against some big boys in the arena.  Seeing that I have been slamming heavy weights, crushing whole milk, sucking pig and beef ribs clean of their meat, and on a whole absolutely trashing my body as hard as possible for the last 7 months, I felt that no matter the outcome, I would undoubtedly PR my lifts, and at the very least, be inspired.  

Inspired I was.  I missed him at first, but the innovator of CFFB, John Welbourne, was sitting 10 yards from me as I came out from the weigh-in.  I thought that a planet had somehow landed inside the gym, but no, it was John Welbourne.  The man weighs the equivalent of a sherman tank loaded with gold, his hands might be confused for bear paws, and he towers somewhere in the 6.5 foot range - eclipsing the sun even as hit sits down.  I can see why he was useful in the NFL for 9 years, and I can tell, by his mass that has acquired a gravitational pull, he has been squatting since he was 13.  

Not only that, but he is one of the most educated and articulate thinking minds in the strength and power arena today.  That is why I follow his programming, read his blog, and eat what he tells me to.  Not exclusively, but mostly.

Back to the event....  The CFFB total took 6 fucking hours.  I don't give a damn who you are, that is a helluva long time to try and stay fucking jacked to set a PR for a single effort across 4 different lifts.  Here was my toolset for the day:  Death metal, BCAA's, forced hatred of failure, coffee and espresso blacker than the blackest black X infinity, and death metal.  I did set PR's in 3 of 4 of the movements, and felt like I was sandbagging on 2 of them, but the real accomplishment laid with my affiliate partner, Mike, his better half, Jess, and my friend, Matt, who all crushed the fucking earth with weights harder than Mike Tyson's hate for right ears'.  Mike took 2nd in the Men's LW class, which is bodyweight under 187#.  He power cleaned 303#.  Fact.  He also Deadlifted 510#.  Fact.  Jess, who when she finishes destroying an animal and eating it weighs in at 109# power cleaned 167#...the highest in all weight divisions for women that day.  She will fucking kill you.  She also squatted 240# and DL'ed 260#.  My good buddy, Matt, who is probably nicer than your grandma, is one of my favorite guys to lift with...he just does amazing things.  Matt Power Cleaned 319, Squatted 545, Benched 335, and Deadlifted a house at 575.  

I have no background in lifting heavy weights prior to 7 months ago when I began following CFFB.  I have found the Power athlete training template to be one of the hardest, most fulfilling endeavors I have even undertaken.  When I began in August I failed to squat 260#, power cleaned 175# at most, could inconsistently lift 450# in the Deadlift, and benched a shitty 200#.  At the meet I scored as follows: PC 230#, BS 335#, Bench 215# (Not a PR), and DL 485#.  

I also set a PR on crushing a half gallon of whole milk as we left Chicago.  We stopped at BP in Cabrini Green (not advised) and it was gone by the first toll station.  This is not an easy feat.  Fact.

In sum,  1) Get your ass in gear and compete.  At some point in life, you will be asked to compete at an unknown place and time, and having the experience is well worth it.  2) A serious thanks to John Welbourne and the CFFB crew that help push this stuff onto the masses.  God knows they need it.  

Coffee and Squats!!!!

Struggle Harder

Do you ever find yourself seeing other people react to something and saying to yourself,

I wouldn't have gotten so excited

I wouldn't have started crying

I would have held my shit together

I would have told them what I really thought!

and so on...

How accurate is that perception?

Let's take it to a place we're familiar with, the gym setting.  Here's the scenario, you are fried from two HEAVY days of conditioning, but need another workout to satisfy your weekly goal.  You go in and its [insert worst fear movement #1] plus [insert worst fear movement #2] and rowing for calories (everyone hates fucking rowing for calories).
What happens?  First, if you haven't handled it already, you probably take a trip to "the office" for a quick read-through of todays paper.  Next, you mull around warming up like a jackass, trying to avoid anything resembling "getting your head in it" because that would only cause you to have to resort back to the first thing you did.
So, there you are, cold muscles, head in the clouds, fearful of your upcoming personal kryptonite workout, and 3, 2, 1...you're fucked now!

It's basically the same thing as watching someone REACT poorly to some external stimulus.  They have some thing that triggers their emotions, usually fear, and from that thing they are now its servant.  They have given up control of their lives to an idea, an object, a person, etc.

Here's my point, we all know things will come up from time to time that are just going to be flat out awful for us to go through.  But therein lies the opportunity.  The problem, as they say, is the solution.
It begins by holding yourself accountable to yourself.  Just because rowing for calories pops up doesn't mean you are no longer great at [insert favorite, most elite-ly performed movement here], it just means you get another shot to fix a part of something not-so-great, and you aren't going to let a movement dictate your ability to struggle and learn a bit.  Accountable to the fact that YOU ACTUALLY SUCK at something.  As I have gone through the last 3 years of training I am more in tune with things that DESTROY me than the things I can pursue with no thought.  I can list 10 things I suck at the drop of a hat.  Its because to get better at them takes tons of focus and awareness that I can tell when I make even the slightest of improvements.

It is very easy to say "I'll never be good at pushups.", it is a REACTION.  That immediately takes the blame off of YOU.  But guess where that blame needs to be?  In order for you to want to be better you have to reject where you are.  If you blanket yourself with the attitude "What's the point?" you will never see the point in trying.  In fact, you will continue to perform shitty warmups (literally) and let opportunity slip past you every time something awful arises because you are afraid of revealing your truest, most inner self.  You are fearful that deep down, you just aren't good enough.  You are afraid that you will be exposed, humiliated, laughed at.

You fear.

I'm here to tell you, it's ok.  You fear, but we all fear.  You will be exposed, but in good company.  You will be humiliated briefly, but will gain humility.   Through the trials you will gain an understanding about yourself that previously eluded you.  And from that confidence will spawn.  As you notch the belt of effort, you will soon see how the buckle will clasp, and hope will fill your heart.

Reaction is for the weak.  Strength comes to those who place one foot in front of the other and learn what it takes to gain footing.  The next time a Death-WOD comes up, embrace it.  Warm-up with purpose.  Take your time seriously and plan a way to make progress.  There is always a way.  Use the unsettled feeling in your stomach and throat as drive, and passionately slaughter your weakness.

Definitely working their weaknesses.

Poor me

“When the fight 

begins within himself, 

a man's worth something.”

- Robert Browning, 1855 -

You lost your job.  Your best friend died.  Your dog ran away.  Your favorite NFL team blew the playoffs.  Your significant other bitches at you constantly.  Your neighbor is a thieving asshole.  You got put in a fight and lost.  You wrecked your car.  Your government is screwing you.  You blew the interview.  You lost your wallet.  You made a mistake on your taxes and got audited.  It's raining hail and sleet and lightning and earthquaking.  You've been cheated on.  

One big breath and exhale a nice, long, sentimental..... "FUCK."  

Now, get over it.  Anger is a gift, my friends.  It is a primal, unbridled opportunity for you to take your life by the throat and rip that shit open like Dalton protects the Double Deuce from pseudo-cowboy denim dancers.  

Bad things happen, and with that we, being the good people we are, like to think that a higher power wouldn't bestow something so terrible on US.  WE should be left out of the people marked with cancer, divorce, death, disease, etc..  We like to complicate matters thinking that there is some set of rules that if we abide will free us from hardship, effort, and in that we immediately relieve ourselves of power.  

Life is pain.  Once realized, you are free.  Free to choose what you believe to be right, fair, and true - amidst all the pain.  

The power of choice in an incredible event.  

"This is what I believe, and I'm willing to die for it."

Don't overcomplicate it.  Be aware of the choices at hand, and give them meaning by understanding that through the pain we find a life no one can take.  Nothing can change it or let you down, or alter it in any way.

Take all that pain, put it through the incredible machine that you are, and use it as the gift is was meant to be.  

Be useful.  Don't be a victim.

Breathe, and listen.

Its not uncommon to perk up and focus when someone speaks in a whisper.  The subconscious thinking there is more content to be gained with less volume.  It may be, or not.  Either way it has your attention.

With television, radio, and the coffee shop clubs constant incessant talking, pontificating, open judgement - when is there time to listen?
Are you able to hear what your telling yourself?  Deep down there is a right, and wrong, and the ability to listen to it needs to be refined.  How much noise are you blocking out, how much energy does it take?  Does it distract you from being the person you want to be?

What was it that drove you to begin?  Listening to yourself at moments of calm will undoubtedly produce a vision of the path you truly desire to walk.  Have the guts to start, keep going uphill, see whats around the bend, and always move forward.  It's always going to be one step, one breathe, one moment.

When you remember a time that you were you, in your truest sense, the task you are doing or the people you are with are a clue as to what makes you happiest.  It's a sign that you are woking with purpose, which leads to passion, and fulfillment.  Let yourself be taken back to what moves you.  You don't need to be a hard ass to be a bad ass.  Just keep following your dreams.

There's calm in there.

Tick Tock, Bitch.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Abraham Lincoln

It really is something when you work for yourself.  You have to set a schedule, or an agenda almost every hour.  Even if you work for someone else you still tick the bosses list as the days spiral towards the weekend.  As CrossFit athletes we do this by setting goals, or by planning out our food in advance, and making time to get to the gym.  Oftentimes, CrossFitters are "type A" personalities, Alpha/Omega, In-fucking-charge folk who won't stand for a minute of lost productivity - which is great.  Do more, be more, have more fun doing it - I can sink my teeth into that.  But lets look in the rearview for a minute.  When is the last time someone accused you of being REALLY GOOD at something?  If you've been accused recently and if it's something you are really good at, then your first thought was sure to be "Yeah but it could be better if I..." And that's the point.  With a limit of 24 hours we really have all the time we need, but none to spare.  An average day might be: 8 hours of sleep (if you are concerned about gaining strength and conditioning at all), 1 hour of training (if you can warmup and get it done without being a jabbajaw), 3-5 hours eating/cooking/cleaning (minimum, right?), and 8 hours working (Not if your self-employed - suckers!).  Not much time left after that, is there?  Thank god for rest days and a pocket calendar!  So thats 22 hours of your day right there.  Every person on the planet, rich or poor, strong or weak, black or white, has the same 24 hours to play with.  Some will find a bar stool with their name on it, some will be a slave to the moving picture box, and yet others will find a way to get it all done.  
If you had 2 hours a day to get what you needed to get done signed, sealed and delivered perfectly - how would schedule yourself?  Where during the day would you do this?  How would you stay at maximum effort for that amount of time?  Anyone who has put a serious mental project at the forefront of their operation will tell you - it's fucking exhausting doing real hard thinking and planning!
I'd think an outline or plan would be in order - an agenda that you wrote and can adjust on a whim if needed.   Then I would plan short bursts of work into my day during times I am most alert and undisturbed.  Personally, the 15-20 minutes time allotment is where I do my best output.  Some days, and only on some types of projects, I can go for an hour or two in one shot, but capping a work period quickly forces me to keep focused and allows my brain maximum output with minimal fatigue.  Best work in minimal time, yup, that's CrossFit.  Metal.
Most of my work is done between 4 AM and 2 PM.  Most of that is used up coaching classes, eating, WODding, reading Chaos and Pain, and answering phone calls and emails.  Which really leaves about 2 or 3 fifteen minute chunks here and there, and a few hours around noon to make something of myself.  I don't care if this is not your schedule, its an example, figure your own life out and keep reading.  The first focused amount of time is spent choosing which projects to tackle that day based on importance, how much time it will take in its entirety, and whether or not I even need to do this or if I should find a friend to help me with it.  (You do delegate, don't you?)
Based on the law of diminishing returns, we know that the longer I work on one thing, the less it will yield overall.  Here's a novel concept, KEEP YOUR INTENSITY UP.  Nourish your intake (Steaks and Heavy Squats) to cover your energy expenses (anything requiring your attention for more time than it takes you to sneeze).  Once your agenda is set blast away working on it in small chunks until your 15-20 minutes is up.  Then stop.  Get the fuck out of the room and do something, anything else.  Try drinking water, stretching, or juggling knives doused in gas set on fire.  
Working at higher intensities will yield more maximal output over a longer period of time than if you were to try to maintain a constant pace for the entire day.  
Interval working.  And if your LSD addicted boss or partner tell you to stop fucking around with knives you can tell them to stick one up there ass.  Your too busy being fucking awesome and getting more done in 15 minutes than they did all yesterday because they were tired or some bullshit.  


Working yourself to death is not an answer to an ever-increasing workload demanded by your pursuits or goals.  Smart interval training dialed into your life where you are getting the most out of yourself at your most productive times of the day/week/month/year is something that takes tweaking and constant refinement but in the end will yield you more out of less.  


Sweet, succulent efficiency.  


Take your time, it is all you have.

One of the most vicious, brutal, and throat-crushingly hardcore mammals to ever nut-punch a lion unconscious by swinging a couple King Cobras around like a pair of serpentine nunchucks – the African Honey Badger.  Your time is as precious as he is ferocious.  Go forth...